Demands and desires of the first world seem to have swallowed me whole. I am ashamed to admit this. But I confess to you that I am the one to blame and it is embarrassing how often I let it happen. It amazes me how easily this happens. I can honestly say that no one nor no thing is at fault except for me.
I also admit that my heart desires the Lord. My heart wants to know Him personally and deeply. These desires have grown significantly in the recent months. However, it seems the first world demands and desires have also.
Things I desire and wish I was doing:
read the Bible everyday
pray everyday (and not just at meals or while driving) actually PRAY
learn about my Savior
worship the Lord
work toward long term missionary work.....in Africa
Things of the first world that I have allowed to consume me:
sleep
job
entertainment (movie, tv, books)
unnecessary stress about medical things
unnecessary stress about earthly things
time with others [a tough one because isolation is unrealistic but at times I feel like I should be doing things from the first list instead of spending time hanging out with friends]
DIY projects....mostly started and not finished which makes it that much more frustrating
internet
and so much more
I confess to each person that reads this that although my heart desires the first list, my actions work toward the second. Maybe I simply have poor time management. Maybe the enemy is subtly attacking me through this situation. Whatever the explanation, I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like the demands and desires of the first world have swallowed me whole and the gastric juices are eating away at me from every direction. Each moment goes by and the feeling of defeat increases causing the desires of my heart to fade away. Life group and corporate worship through CLC give me glimpses at what my heart wants and remind me that it is attainable.
I have thoughts I want to share with you.....blogs drafts that are started.....yet I can't seem to find the time to finish them. However, I can finish watching a movie or finishing wasting time on the internet. I think to myself that each night I will finish a post this week. Weeks later, you and I both know that never happened. What actually happened? I researched things on the internet. I hung out with friends. I watched a movie. I day dreamed in state of wondering and worry about possibilities.
At my life group this past week, we rabbit trailed off to a discussion about the power of prayer. I have heard/read statistics about prayer healing people in hospitals when the patients didn't even know they were being prayed for. I've heard first hand testimony about how one friend's prayer for a specific family member to come to know Christ was blown to pieces as much of her family came to know their Lord and Savior. I share all of this with you to ultimate ask you to join me in prayer.
Please pray [let's pause here]
By pray, I mean anything from a 10 second prayer after you read this post to an hourly prayer for any number of days to anything in between. Prayer is a powerful, POWERFUL tool!!! Use it is little or as much as you choose. So....
Please pray for not just my situation by all of those that are swallowed by the first world. Please pray that we may win small battles over the first world demands and desires. Please pray that these small battles lead to large victories and the true desires of our hearts may come to fruition.
I also admit that my heart desires the Lord. My heart wants to know Him personally and deeply. These desires have grown significantly in the recent months. However, it seems the first world demands and desires have also.
Things I desire and wish I was doing:
read the Bible everyday
pray everyday (and not just at meals or while driving) actually PRAY
learn about my Savior
worship the Lord
work toward long term missionary work.....in Africa
Things of the first world that I have allowed to consume me:
sleep
job
entertainment (movie, tv, books)
unnecessary stress about medical things
unnecessary stress about earthly things
time with others [a tough one because isolation is unrealistic but at times I feel like I should be doing things from the first list instead of spending time hanging out with friends]
DIY projects....mostly started and not finished which makes it that much more frustrating
internet
and so much more
I confess to each person that reads this that although my heart desires the first list, my actions work toward the second. Maybe I simply have poor time management. Maybe the enemy is subtly attacking me through this situation. Whatever the explanation, I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like the demands and desires of the first world have swallowed me whole and the gastric juices are eating away at me from every direction. Each moment goes by and the feeling of defeat increases causing the desires of my heart to fade away. Life group and corporate worship through CLC give me glimpses at what my heart wants and remind me that it is attainable.
I have thoughts I want to share with you.....blogs drafts that are started.....yet I can't seem to find the time to finish them. However, I can finish watching a movie or finishing wasting time on the internet. I think to myself that each night I will finish a post this week. Weeks later, you and I both know that never happened. What actually happened? I researched things on the internet. I hung out with friends. I watched a movie. I day dreamed in state of wondering and worry about possibilities.
At my life group this past week, we rabbit trailed off to a discussion about the power of prayer. I have heard/read statistics about prayer healing people in hospitals when the patients didn't even know they were being prayed for. I've heard first hand testimony about how one friend's prayer for a specific family member to come to know Christ was blown to pieces as much of her family came to know their Lord and Savior. I share all of this with you to ultimate ask you to join me in prayer.
Please pray [let's pause here]
By pray, I mean anything from a 10 second prayer after you read this post to an hourly prayer for any number of days to anything in between. Prayer is a powerful, POWERFUL tool!!! Use it is little or as much as you choose. So....
Please pray for not just my situation by all of those that are swallowed by the first world. Please pray that we may win small battles over the first world demands and desires. Please pray that these small battles lead to large victories and the true desires of our hearts may come to fruition.
