Scents are a subtle part of life that creep up on us when we least expect it.
Maybe for you it is. . . . .
-Saturday morning breakfast that would fill the whole house as your mom created delicious creations with matching aromas to wake you from your slumber.
-the scent of Grandma's house
-the unfortunate smell of the van on youth trips when everyone was in the van for endless hours through the night
-cookies that are you childhood favorite
Whatever it may be. . . . .everyone has the scents in life that spark memories both good and bad. Those moments when our noses are filled with that familiar scent are priceless. Maybe it is the real thing or maybe it is a candle that has the right mixture of a dozen different fragrances that complement each other in such a way that the perfect combination is made and you drift back into memories galore.
A recurring desire that I have is for candles or something similar to have the same effect for feelings. I understand that feelings are almost completely abstract. For goodness sakes, how many family pictures and school pictures did you smile in just to get it over with but in reality you probably weren't that happy in the moment. So the outward expression of feelings will not always match what is the true feeling on the inside.
Let me explain a bit more. . . . .
[in my opinion] God has clearly shown me that the Peace Corps is in my future. I am confident that it is in His will for me to join and serve in that way. Of course, I would love for this to land me in Africa so I could be close to all my friends and the children I have come to love so much. However, I do not know that this will occur. I am really trying hard to stay open minded about where I might land and what I will do to serve.
I can remember the day that I became certain about this. It was in August of 2011. I will have to write you another note about that day. The issue is that I don't have a "candle" to represent that day. That day I was so hyped and full of crazy excitement about what the future will bring. But it fades over time. The fresh baked cookies that have melted chocolate and are just moments from the oven are always much better than that candle that smells like warm cookies. The memory that the aroma creates is great and wonderful but it isn't the same. Although. . . the candle brings the memories and refreshes the concept which is better than being dependent on the original memory of the actual cookies.
I am beginning to think this concept is only going to make sense in my head.
I am confident that God has it in His plan to go into the Peace Corps; I can feel the original excitement fading as that moment gets farther and farther away.
Do you follow what I am trying to convey?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Possessions
Possessions. Everyone has them. Most have too many. Some only have the shirt on their back.
I have been struggling with this recently. I like to think I am a frugal person, and one that stays in check. I don't severely limit myself to only 2 pairs of shoes, 5 shirts, and 2 pairs of pants. (I am also not saying that is wrong if you live your life that way by choice or circumstance.) But on the other hand, I don't go shopping on a regular basis for new things just because I can.
Currently, I do live with some beyond describable amazing friends. Because of this, I mostly have all my possessions in my bedroom. There are a few out of season things in the shed and some childhood keepsake items at my mom's. Compared to the majority of those in Western culture, I would venture to say that I don't have much. I understand that compared to the world as a whole, I am filthy rich. I have a car, a roof over my head, running water, electricity, plenty of clothes, food at every meal, and food any other time.
After two trips to Africa and a minimum of one in the future, I am becoming increasingly aware of "stuff". The stuff we need, stuff we want, stuff we think we need, stuff we get because we can, and the list could go on. I have been trying to make an effort to accept what I have and live with that. It may take more planning and will definitely take a strong will. For example, always take a lunch and/or snack for long days at work/school. There is no need to spend the gas, time, and money on something else when the cupboards and fridge are full. Food is just one small example that is easy to point out.
I struggle to find the balance between living below my means but not putting myself in poverty. I have met kids and families that literally live in the dump. I have met hundreds of kids that are orphans with maybe 3 outfits, one meal a day, and a mismatched pair of shoes that used to fit a few months ago. That definitely does NOT mean that I have to live by those standards. just because I know these kids that live by the dump does not mean that I should sell most of my belongings, quite bathing on a regular basis, move out of my friends house, and live by the local dump here.
I was at a friend's house this weekend. Every time I stay there I notice this dresser that is in the bedroom. I really like the style of it and the variety of compartments. I think to myself that maybe one day I will have something like that. Sometimes, I start to imagine what I would keep in each space. Then I realize what's happening. I get frustrated with myself for WANTING something that I definitely do NOT NEED. I have a perfectly fin dresser and closet situation that suites me just fine. It actually suites me more than I need because I have too many clothes that don't get used often enough.
Leaving the house and headed somewhere I see a motorcyclist. I used to have a motorcycle. (I bet you didn't know that.) It makes me WANT one again. Makes me wish I could make that work for my schedule and for the craziness that I am part of now. But I don't NEED it. I have a perfectly fine car that transports me where I need to go. (I wonder how many of those orphans have even been in a car.)
Frustration fills me to the edges when this happens. Of course the higher the frustration, the more it seems like it happens. How could I WANT so much? I know God has placed the Peace Corps in my path! It is in the plan (unless something changes because He can do that). That is not a place that you can WANT things beyond the basics that it takes to survive.
I feel like this is something I will have to overcome.
I have been struggling with this recently. I like to think I am a frugal person, and one that stays in check. I don't severely limit myself to only 2 pairs of shoes, 5 shirts, and 2 pairs of pants. (I am also not saying that is wrong if you live your life that way by choice or circumstance.) But on the other hand, I don't go shopping on a regular basis for new things just because I can.
Currently, I do live with some beyond describable amazing friends. Because of this, I mostly have all my possessions in my bedroom. There are a few out of season things in the shed and some childhood keepsake items at my mom's. Compared to the majority of those in Western culture, I would venture to say that I don't have much. I understand that compared to the world as a whole, I am filthy rich. I have a car, a roof over my head, running water, electricity, plenty of clothes, food at every meal, and food any other time.
After two trips to Africa and a minimum of one in the future, I am becoming increasingly aware of "stuff". The stuff we need, stuff we want, stuff we think we need, stuff we get because we can, and the list could go on. I have been trying to make an effort to accept what I have and live with that. It may take more planning and will definitely take a strong will. For example, always take a lunch and/or snack for long days at work/school. There is no need to spend the gas, time, and money on something else when the cupboards and fridge are full. Food is just one small example that is easy to point out.
I struggle to find the balance between living below my means but not putting myself in poverty. I have met kids and families that literally live in the dump. I have met hundreds of kids that are orphans with maybe 3 outfits, one meal a day, and a mismatched pair of shoes that used to fit a few months ago. That definitely does NOT mean that I have to live by those standards. just because I know these kids that live by the dump does not mean that I should sell most of my belongings, quite bathing on a regular basis, move out of my friends house, and live by the local dump here.
I was at a friend's house this weekend. Every time I stay there I notice this dresser that is in the bedroom. I really like the style of it and the variety of compartments. I think to myself that maybe one day I will have something like that. Sometimes, I start to imagine what I would keep in each space. Then I realize what's happening. I get frustrated with myself for WANTING something that I definitely do NOT NEED. I have a perfectly fin dresser and closet situation that suites me just fine. It actually suites me more than I need because I have too many clothes that don't get used often enough.
Leaving the house and headed somewhere I see a motorcyclist. I used to have a motorcycle. (I bet you didn't know that.) It makes me WANT one again. Makes me wish I could make that work for my schedule and for the craziness that I am part of now. But I don't NEED it. I have a perfectly fine car that transports me where I need to go. (I wonder how many of those orphans have even been in a car.)
Frustration fills me to the edges when this happens. Of course the higher the frustration, the more it seems like it happens. How could I WANT so much? I know God has placed the Peace Corps in my path! It is in the plan (unless something changes because He can do that). That is not a place that you can WANT things beyond the basics that it takes to survive.
I feel like this is something I will have to overcome.
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