Candle

Scents are a subtle part of life that creep up on us when we least expect it.

Maybe for you it is. . . . .
-Saturday morning breakfast that would fill the whole house as your mom created delicious creations with matching aromas to wake you from your slumber.
-the scent of Grandma's house
-the unfortunate smell of the van on youth trips when everyone was in the van for endless hours through the night
-cookies that are you childhood favorite

Whatever it may be. . . . .everyone has the scents in life that spark memories both good and bad. Those moments when our noses are filled with that familiar scent are priceless. Maybe it is the real thing or maybe it is a candle that has the right mixture of a dozen different fragrances that complement each other in such a way that the perfect combination is made and you drift back into memories galore. 

A recurring desire that I have is for candles or something similar to have the same effect for feelings. I understand that feelings are almost completely abstract. For goodness sakes, how many family pictures and school pictures did you smile in just to get it over with but in reality you probably weren't that happy in the moment. So the outward expression of feelings will not always match what is the true feeling on the inside.

Let me explain a bit more. . . . .

[in my opinion] God has clearly shown me that the Peace Corps is in my future. I am confident that it is in His will for me to join and serve in that way. Of course, I would love for this to land me in Africa so I could be close to all my friends and the children I have come to love so much. However, I do not know that this will occur. I am really trying hard to stay open minded about where I might land and what I will do to serve.

I can remember the day that I became certain about this. It was in August of 2011. I will have to write you another note about that day. The issue is that I don't have a "candle" to represent that day. That day I was so hyped and full of crazy excitement about what the future will bring. But it fades over time. The fresh baked cookies that have melted chocolate and are just moments from the oven are always much better than that candle that smells like warm cookies. The memory that the aroma creates is great and wonderful but it isn't the same. Although. . . the candle brings the memories and refreshes the concept which is better than being dependent on the original memory of the actual cookies.

I am beginning to think this concept is only going to make sense in my head.

I am confident that God has it in His plan to go into the Peace Corps; I can feel the original excitement fading as that moment gets farther and farther away.

Do you follow what I am trying to convey?