Weekend Motherhood

A Short Story about Weekend Motherhood:

Excitement of the weekend grows from Monday morning until Friday afternoon. Each day of the week passes and the anticipation grows. Every American family looks forward to the weekend! Even if someone has to work for part of it, the stigma of the words Saturday and Sunday bring joy. Some weeks the clock ticks away slower than a snail crossing a 6 lane interstate. Other weeks, the hours fly by faster than free fall while skydiving.

The dad is busy at work. Each day it gets harder and harder to get up and tackle the day. Some days he leaves earlier than the sun rises to meet friends for coffee. The work wears on him but he continually reminds himself of his sweet daughters and beautiful wife to power him through the day. He is tired at the end of each day and longs for the weekend when he may be rejuvenated by the precious moments he will have with his family.

The mom is always going to the next thing while soaking up what the day offers. Everyday she feels she must accomplish something. She has her lists both physical and mental and tackles them from every angle. She assures that appointments are kept. She run errands from one side of town to the other. She always has her eyes open for ways to teach her kids.

The kids are two girls. The are curious, happy, sweet, smart, and full of endless potential. They love to help their mom. They are always ready to greet their dad with hugs and kisses when he returns home from work. The may not always play nicely together but they always love each other. The will be there for each other at every mile stone, tear, and celebration.

Finally, it happens. The clock strikes 5:00 p.m. on Friday. The work week is over. The dad returns home. He is greeted by his precious daughters and loving wife. Hugs and kisses are shared between everyone. Peace comes upon the home as the family is all together. Even the family dog seems to know it is the weekend and great things will happen.

Saturday morning comes and the dad meets friends for coffee and fellowship. The mom has a few hours with her sweet girls. There is nothing officially planned but she secretly hopes to mark a few things off her lists so that the family can make memories together later that day. Unfortunately, she is forced to alter her plans because one of her daughters is not feeling well. She handles the situation with ease. Sometimes the best medicine is some sweet snuggles with mom and that is what this child had on her prescription. The mom spends her day not only caring for the sick child but also doing everything she can to help prevent the dad and others from getting sick. All the while, she is in the front lines caring for her daughter. By the end of the day the child seems to be improving. Although, her sister is now not quite up to par.

At bedtime, the mother just can't leave the child's side. She sits. She waits. She prays. She longs for her sick children to be better. Something holds her back and she cannot go to bed. She stays at the child's side. Eventually she lays down her head and continues the waiting. It is as if she forms a protective barrier around her daughter, laying in such a way that she almost surrounds her. The previously restless child becomes settled and calms down in her sleep. But the mom stays.

The mom, like any other, wants nothing more than to have her child be consumed with healing, peace, and comfort. She is not worried that she has not run errands today. She is not worried that there are dirty dishes. She is not consumed with the yard work that needs done. Her thoughts are not concerned with the upcoming week. The mom simply wants her child to be free from sickness. She lays her on daughters bed at her side through the night. No matter the situation she stays and is ready to move a mountain or empty an ocean if that's what her daughters need. The mom is always there with unconditional love.

(Based on a true story.)


Reading this story, I felt like I saw something. I saw the endless devotion of a mom. I saw how far a mom's love can reach. I have seen an 8 year old go on a church trip with her father and on the return trip have a steady flow of tears in anticipation of seeing her mom. I have seen moms petition for the safety of their kids after a horrible accident in an elementary P.E. class. I have seen a mom close her eyes and soak up the moment when her child runs to her just to be in her arms and hug her. I have seen many glorious mom moments. However, there was something about this story. I saw something else and I don't know how to describe it. But because of it, I can now say with confidence that I will be adding something to my bucket list.  Now, one of the most important things on my bucket list is to be a mom.

Blessed

Some time ago I had a very short lived patch of frustrating days. At some point towards the end of this, God led me to realize how truly blessed I am. I've challenged myself to come up with 100 ways of why I am blessed. A mental list is all that I have made thus far, but I've decided to really put it together.

I am beyond blessed because I [have]:

1. a roof over my head every night
2. more than enough food to keep me happy
3. clothes of variety to choose from
4. a soft pillow to lay my head on
5. blankets to keep me warm
6. a car that is mine
7. the ability to put fuel in the car
8. a computer that connects me to endless people and allows me to share this with you
9. locks on doors to keep me safe
10. a Mom that loves me unconditionally to no end
11. the most wonderfulest brother a girl could ask for
12. the ability to worship my Savior without fearing for my life
13. been born in a country full of freedoms
14. traveled to Alaska.....six times
15. traveled to China with a great friend
16. traveled to China with my brother
17. traveled to China by myself
18. traveled to China with the bestest roommate ever
19. traveled to Africa with a wonderful friend
20. traveled to Africa and made life long friends
21. traveled to Africa and made more life long friends
22. gone to Rwanda for a month and saw God do big things
23. been white water rafting in Colorado
24. been white water rafting in Alaska on Class V rapids
25. been ice climbing in Alaska
26. built snow igloos in my grandparents' back yard....more than once
27. held orphans in my arms and told them God loves them
28. a trampoline in the backyard that I LOVE to jump on
29. Gwen and she cooks so so amazingly
30. Gwen and she always makes sure there is something I can eat
31. swam with a dolphin
32. been in an airplane
33. traveled to Hawaii
34. kayaked in the Pacific Ocean
35. swam in the Gulf of Mexico
36. taken a ride on a train
37. gone to many a Cardinals game
38. Ruth to watch do crazy things
39. Elizabeth to always make me smile
40. CLC
41. a Life Group that prays for me
42. a church family that supports the desires of my heart
43. another church family that barely knows me and still supports me
44. a phone that connects me to friends and family
45. a town that has free entertainment (i.e. movies in the park)
46. health insurance
47. dental insurance
48. car insurance
49. running water
50. electricity
51 internet access
52. a comfy couch to sit on and relax with friends
53. socks to keep my toes warm
54. shoes to protect my feet
55. an employer that let me leave for a month
56. co workers that are wonderful to work with
57. a high school diploma
58. two college degrees
59. enough hair to spare for other people
60. been skiing in Colorado
61. been skiing in Iowa
62. a cousin that will drag me on a tube behind the snow mobile
63. a friend with an amazing family that lets me come on vacation with them
64. played softball
65. played lacrosse
66. swam on a team
67. played basketball
68. a body that lets me be active and explore the world
69. a roommate that can read me like a book
70. had teachers that care about me
71. a teacher that let me take a test late just because I was going through a busy time
72. had coaches that taught me more than sport related skills
73. was on the winning team of an eighth grade rival basketball game
74. friends I can call any time of day
75. friends that will help me without asking why
76. great strong teeth
77. never had a cavity
78. never broken a bone
79. had very little experience with death (only been to two funerals)
80. never had to miss a meal
81. never been in danger because of my faith
82. never been sick more than the common unpleasantness
83. countless photos to help me recall wonderful moments
84. a pretty good memory
85. seen TSO in concert
86. been to City Museum
87. been to the beach (many of them)
88. never had to be in the hospital for illness
89. had the pleasure of having a canine companion
90. lived in the country
91. walked home because the van was stuck in snow (it was quite the adventure)
92. friends that trust me with their home when they are away
93. a brother that spoils me when I visit
94. popcorn to eat
95. can read
96. can write
97. can count
98. can type (without looking)
99. can write backwards
100. a God that sent His son to die for my sins and wants to have a relationship with me for eternity
101. a friend that helps me out when I'm over commited
102. friends that understand when I have to say no and take a break
103. extra pillows in the house that are easy to throw

Where is the line?

Balancing is an act that seems to get applied to more and more aspects of life.


There is a need to balance:
sleep and wake time
fun and work
healthy and less healthy food
warm and cold
so much more

and recently a need to balance giving and more giving. What? How can you balance something and more of something? That doesn't make any sense! Let me try to explain...

In recent months, actually about two years, I have come across countless organizations and causes that I 100% love and want to support. Adoption fundraisers are popping up faster than spring flowers. More mission trips are going out than I can count. Children in foreign countries need to get sponsored and sent to school. Local neighbors and friends are struggling to meet basic financial needs.

Organizations are raising money for beds, mosquito nets, water, and countless other things that I take for granted. The men, women, and children that receive these things are only different from me in one way. Yes, there is only one thing that separates us. Do you have any idea what this one thing is? The one thing that makes me different from the kids that sleep on a concrete floor, the parents that make their children beg so there is money to get food, the families that fear illness because of mosquitos is the country in which we were born. Think about it! Any one of us could just as easily been born into a family that lives in a trash dump or begs for food. I don't know about you but this is pretty mind blowing to me.

To bring that rabbit trail back to the main path, I would like to say that my heart is burdened for these people. I have meet a family and been in their home that is at the trash dump. I have played with and daily think of kids that live in orphanages and hope to have a future other than living on the streets. My heart is heavy for these people that are the sons and daughters of Christ. I long for them to know their Heavenly Father and I long for them to have the essentials needed to thrive in their culture. They don't need cable, electronic gadgets, big houses, and closets full of stuff. They do need shelter, water, food, and safety, both physically and spiritually.

This is where the question is proposed. Where is the line? When do you draw the line and say that you can't help any more people? When do you say I have helped enough and now I need to save a little so that I may have such things also? If people gives literally 100% of their income, then how are they going to provide for themselves?

Today, I was blessed to give a gift to someone. It was not her birthday. It is not Christmas, nor is it Christmas in July. I just really wanted to give something to her. Focus on the middle part of the previous sentence: really wanted to give. What if everyone had that attitude? What if everyone really wanted to give? If everyone gave, would everyone receive?

Admittedly, I could not give 100%. My earthly ways and desires do not allow me to honestly believe that I would be provided with everything I truly need. So, where do I draw the line? When do I say, I can only help this, this, and this right now? When is it ok to say no to giving? Isn't giving much more enjoyable than receiving? I believe it is!!!! But there has to be a limit! So how do I balance giving with more giving?

Where do you draw your line? How do you decide when the giving needs to end?

Swallowed by the First World

Demands and desires of the first world seem to have swallowed me whole. I am ashamed to admit this. But I confess to you that I am the one to blame and it is embarrassing how often I let it happen. It amazes me how easily this happens. I can honestly say that no one nor no thing is at fault except for me.

I also admit that my heart desires the Lord. My heart wants to know Him personally and deeply. These desires have grown significantly in the recent months. However, it seems the first world demands and desires have also.

Things I desire and wish I was doing:
read the Bible everyday
pray everyday (and not just at meals or while driving) actually PRAY
learn about my Savior
worship the Lord
work toward long term missionary work.....in Africa

Things of the first world that I have allowed to consume me:
sleep
job
entertainment (movie, tv, books)
unnecessary stress about medical things
unnecessary stress about earthly things
time with others [a tough one because isolation is unrealistic but at times I feel like I should be doing things from the first list instead of spending time hanging out with friends]
DIY projects....mostly started and not finished which makes it that much more frustrating
internet
and so much more

I confess to each person that reads this that although my heart desires the first list, my actions work toward the second. Maybe I simply have poor time management. Maybe the enemy is subtly attacking me through this situation. Whatever the explanation, I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like the demands and desires of the first world have swallowed me whole and the gastric juices are eating away at me from every direction. Each moment goes by and the feeling of defeat increases causing the desires of my heart to fade away. Life group and corporate worship through CLC give me glimpses at what my heart wants and remind me that it is attainable.

I have thoughts I want to share with you.....blogs drafts that are started.....yet I can't seem to find the time to finish them. However, I can finish watching a movie or finishing wasting time on the internet. I think to myself that each night I will finish a post this week. Weeks later, you and I both know that never happened. What actually happened? I researched things on the internet. I hung out with friends. I watched a movie. I day dreamed in state of wondering and worry about possibilities.

At my life group this past week, we rabbit trailed off to a discussion about the power of prayer. I have heard/read statistics about prayer healing people in hospitals when the patients didn't even know they were being prayed for. I've heard first hand testimony about how one friend's prayer for a specific family member to come to know Christ was blown to pieces as much of her family came to know their Lord and Savior. I share all of this with you to ultimate ask you to join me in prayer.

Please pray [let's pause here]
By pray, I mean anything from a 10 second prayer after you read this post to an hourly prayer for any number of days to anything in between. Prayer is a powerful, POWERFUL tool!!! Use it is little or as much as you choose. So....

Please pray for not just my situation by all of those that are swallowed by the first world. Please pray that we may win small battles over the first world demands and desires. Please pray that these small battles lead to large victories and the true desires of our hearts may come to fruition.

He is in the Small Things

Really, I mean it! He is in the small things. God is in the smallest things in our lives. Did you know that? I know it, but often forget this awesome fact about our glorious God. Ironically, seeing God in the small things is what led me to make the original decision to go to Africa the first time in 2011. You can read a little bit about that here. Twice in the last two weeks, God has shown me how He continually has His hand in the seemingly smallest meaningless things.

About two weeks ago, I decided I wanted to start a new reading plan for the Bible. I know I will benefit more from this study if I take notes while reading and journal about what I'm learning. Thus, I get to buy a new notebook! Yeah for new notebooks!!! I have discovered a specific notebook that I really like for a few reasons. It comes from the Dollar General and it costs $2.50. During lunch break on a Wednesday, I asked my coworkers if they knew of a dollar store nearby. I was trying to figure out the best option to stop at one without veering off the path home. At the same time I really really didn't want to stop at the store for just one item. Literally less than one minute after asking, my other coworker that left for lunch texted and asked if any of us needed anything from the dollar store. I was floored at how that came together. She was able to get the exact notebook I wanted and all was well!

This past week a representative from an office store came to my work. She brought us some free samples of various office [a.k.a. school] supplies. That afternoon my coworkers and I were showing our nerdness and looking through all of it. I told them how the look, feel, and even smell of the new supplies almost makes me want to go to school again. It was then highly suggested that I use the income from my current job to buy some school supplies and pretend I'm in school instead of actually enrolling in school and paying money. Well.....that night I was talking to my representative from Africa Inland Mission. It turns out there are some classes that are highly recommended to take so that I can meet some competencies for AIM. Once again, God had his hand all over some silly small aspect of my life. I was and still am so excited.

1. want a new notebook for a reading plan........God provided it moments later without me having to go get it
2. get excited about new school supplies...........God provides a reason for me to take classes and therefore get some school supplies

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE these simple small reminders that God has His hands all over every aspect of our lives. If He cares about a simple notebook and school supplies, then I KNOW He cares about the big important things.

Have you seen God in the small things in your life recently?
If you think about it and look for His handy work, then I bet you will see it.

The Joy of Returning

Arguments exist for and against short term mission trips. At times I can see the both sides. However, without these short term trips the world would be a different place:
-high school and college students would not have a [positive] life changing spring break
-orphans would have not been privy to the feeling of love
-roofs would not be built
-walls would not be painted and ramps would not exist
-VBS would not bring joy to remote villages
-countless lives of potential team members would remain unchanged with eyes sheltered to seeing the truth that lies beyond the spoiled, sheltered lives of first world living

One aspect of short term trips that the opportunity for returning is available. When I went to Africa for the first time in August 2011, I knew I was leaving a huge part of my heart there but had no idea what was in store for me in the coming months and years. I was extremely blessed to return in December 2011, December 2012, and March 2013.

On the second trip I was beyond excited to see the faces of these beautiful kids again. However,  I had no idea they would be excited also. Try to imagine growing up in an orphanage. You have never known your parents. The only consistent people in your life are the couple of dozen kids you share a room with at the orphanage. There is very little you can depend on with certainty. You may not even know about the concept of love. Then, one day, this group of foreigners shows up and continually talks about how much they love you and how God loves you. They hold your hand, hug you, serve you a meal, walk with you, and love you without even speaking the same language. You don't know how to react except to never leave their side. You want more of this thing called love. But after a couple days, they foreigners have to leave. It is sad but in the end, the love, happiness, and joy they brought is priceless. Life goes back to the way things were until one day the same person that traveled all the way around the world to share love has returned! WHAT?!? You never could have imagined this would have happened. But it did! You better believe it! You get to be held. You get to experience love and you are so thrilled.

On our first day at Noel Orphanage in Rwanda in December 2011, my bus was the first of two to arrive. No one else on my bus had been there before. For some unknown reason, I was sitting at the back. Our leader had told us the kids may be cautious at first but once they figure out who we are they will swarm us from all directions. We pulled in the gate and couldn't seem to wave fast enough or to smile wide enough at all the kids. Some older boys were standing in the background, until the moment that my eyes met theirs. They knew me and I knew them. Word quickly spread that we were a team with Visiting Orphans. I began to physically start shaking with excitement and anticipation to be able to embrace these beautiful kids in my arms again. My gracious team members stayed in their seats and let me be the first one off the bus.

Words cannot express the joy that radiates from both the kids and the returning team member every time this happens. I want to give you a glimpse of it by sharing a photo of my boy, CouCou, that I love so dearly. I see him every time I go to Noel Orphanage.

August 2011

I had hurt my back on this trip. He sat with me all day. We had many tickle sessions. Most of the time he just wanted to sit in my lap and hold my hand.

December 2011

Initially he took some time to come over to me. However, I watched him and I saw the wheels turning as he processed where he saw this white girl before. Then, the light bulb came on brighter than ever before and he came running to me. He never left my side, although he was on my shoulders most of the time.

January 2013

There was no delay this time. He remembered me from the first moment. The other kids know me now and always make sure to get CouCou for me whenever I come.

March 2013

He seemed to be in a state of disbelief that I had returned so quickly. He has grown so much since we first met! I think we will need to start a new photo tradition as he may be too big for my shoulders next time we meet. Now, he shows off for me by hopping on one foot or just being a silly adorable kid. The last day I went to visit him, I had an older kid explain that I would be leaving the next day. CouCou just grasped onto my leg as he laid across my lap and didn't let go. 

This is not intended to be a plug for short term trips or a plug for people to make multiple trips. I just want to share a little about how meaningful it has been for me and for one little boy to be able to spend a day or two together and love across a cultural and language barrier. As painful as the goodbyes will be each time, I would rather have that than have these kids not experience love.

Rwanda 2013 week 4

Written April 21, 2013

It is with a heavy heart that I write you one last update of my most recent week in Africa. For I know that it was not my final week. I will return. the mission is not over, children still need love; widows need hope; and the Gospel must be shared.

The week was like none other. It was different in many ways and I will forever treasure the experiences as a leader, as part of a medical team, and one of God's disciples.

Last Saturday, I met with the team in Kigali. We had our first clinic that afternoon at Catch Up. On Sunday we were able to have church with the kids. These kids have never had medical attention. They had anything from a runny nose to dental issues to worms causing GI problems. The latter of which could be fixed by one medicine taken twice a day for three days and they would be set for 6 months.

Monday we served at Kimisagra. It is probably the poorest orphanage in the country of Rwanda. It is located literally on the side of a hill and is landlocked allowing for an outside area of about one third of basketball court....or maybe less. When we arrived they were eating lunch. It was rice and some beans. It was heartbreaking to see them eat with their hands. We were able to buy some spoons that afternoon for them. Silverware....just one of many things that is taken for granted. We set up clinic that afternoon and were able tos ee kids that had new issues. There was a team there last fall and so we were able to see their charts and check on kids that needed follow up.

Tuesday was our travel day. We had a "3 hour" bus ride from Kigali to Gisenyi. A first I had on this trip was that our bus broke down shortly after leaving. We were blessed with a beautiful day of weather for our 90 min wait on the side of the road for the mechanic to come. He showed up with a bottle of water, a screwdriver, and pliers. But he got the job done and we were on our way. We had a relaxing afternoon at Noel orphanage and took the time to simply love the kids. We would return on Thursday to have clinic for the new kids that have been dropped off at Noel (including a set of twin boys only two weeks old) and to spend another afternoon hanging out with the kids.

On Wednesday we saw the ladies and their children that work at No. 41 and in the afternoon the guys of His Imbaraga brought their families to the clinic. It was amazing to see how the clinic was intended for them but they insisted that their families (to include grandparents) were seen first. If I remember correctly, the first patient was saw was in his 90's. I encourage you to check out these ministries and how they are changing lives.

Friday we left Gisenyi early in the morning to start the 40+ hour journey back to our American families. I am confident that countless lives were changed from our week in Rwanda. I believe this includes the team, the kids we saw, the patients we treated, and even the street kids that were seemingly filled with joy with a simple wave and a friendly smile from a white person.

Confidently, I can tell you that the trip may be over but I believe God is about to begin a new journey larger than my wildest dreams. I look forward to seeing it unfold and sharing with you what He does.