Moving happened a few times when I was growing up……..
When I was turning six, my family moved from Texas to Iowa.
When I was in third grade, we moved to Missouri.
When I was in the middle of high school, we moved to Tennessee.
I don't remember ever being happy about any of those moves…..
This may be my first move that I am happy about. But I have to actually remind myself to feel happy because I seem to rarely have the time to enjoy the happiness.
I returned from my trip with Visiting Orphans ten days ago. Let me tell you that those 10 days have felt like a few months because of all that is happening. In such a time it seems that my emotions have wavered more than that of a child meeting her hero, losing her favorite toy, eating the best meal, going to a park, falling off the monkey bars, having a sleepover with her best friend, losing her pet fish, and getting ice cream all in one day.
I have been:
Excited - that this is becoming a reality
Overwhelmed - about everything that has to be done
Joyous - at a helpful new friend
Nervous - about how to share about this new journey
Shocked - that there is so much paperwork (not sure what I expected)
Unsure - of how I will have enough opportunities to develop supporters
Speechless - at the generosity of friends as they strive to help in anyway they can
Accomplished - at checking things off the list
Thankful - for the gift of time to get things done when I didn't expect to
Frustrated - when I realized some things were done incorrectly
Helpless - when I saw a glimpse of another's feelings regarding this process
That seems like such an incomplete list to describe the emotions of the last 10 days.
I want to share one more with you and this will come with a story.
This morning I had my first moment of sadness. I know the next five months will be filled with countless "lasts" as I get closer and closer to getting on a plane. Some of those "lasts" will be heart breaking and some I will welcome with open arms. This morning I didn't have a last kind of situation. But I did realize that I will not be here in Clarksville, TN anymore. This morning I saw a friend post a picture of a group of people on Facebook. They were about to have a road trip to go to a park for the day. There was so much joy and excitement in that photo that you could feel it emitting off of the computer screen. Somehow, in the moment I was looking at the photo, I realized that I am leaving and I won't be here with my friends. I will miss events, birthdays, road trips, anniversaries, movie nights, ice cream dates with the girls, holidays, walks in the park, and literally everything else.
I can comprehensively understand that importance of what I will not be missing. I will be exposed to opportunities that most people dream about. I will be in a culture that most have never heard the word "Jesus". I will be building relationships so that an opportunity will happen to share the Gospel. I will be obeying what God has called me to do. That will make it all worth it but my Earthly heart still aches for what I will miss.
If all this has happened in 10 days, I can not imagine what will happen in the next five months. I imagine that list of emotions will repeat itself many times over. I hope, that each time, it prepares me for the same emotions that will occur in Tanzania. In all my travels, I have most definitely learned that emotions can cross every cultural barrier.
When I was turning six, my family moved from Texas to Iowa.
When I was in third grade, we moved to Missouri.
When I was in the middle of high school, we moved to Tennessee.
I don't remember ever being happy about any of those moves…..
This may be my first move that I am happy about. But I have to actually remind myself to feel happy because I seem to rarely have the time to enjoy the happiness.
I returned from my trip with Visiting Orphans ten days ago. Let me tell you that those 10 days have felt like a few months because of all that is happening. In such a time it seems that my emotions have wavered more than that of a child meeting her hero, losing her favorite toy, eating the best meal, going to a park, falling off the monkey bars, having a sleepover with her best friend, losing her pet fish, and getting ice cream all in one day.
I have been:
Excited - that this is becoming a reality
Overwhelmed - about everything that has to be done
Joyous - at a helpful new friend
Nervous - about how to share about this new journey
Shocked - that there is so much paperwork (not sure what I expected)
Unsure - of how I will have enough opportunities to develop supporters
Speechless - at the generosity of friends as they strive to help in anyway they can
Accomplished - at checking things off the list
Thankful - for the gift of time to get things done when I didn't expect to
Frustrated - when I realized some things were done incorrectly
Helpless - when I saw a glimpse of another's feelings regarding this process
That seems like such an incomplete list to describe the emotions of the last 10 days.
I want to share one more with you and this will come with a story.
This morning I had my first moment of sadness. I know the next five months will be filled with countless "lasts" as I get closer and closer to getting on a plane. Some of those "lasts" will be heart breaking and some I will welcome with open arms. This morning I didn't have a last kind of situation. But I did realize that I will not be here in Clarksville, TN anymore. This morning I saw a friend post a picture of a group of people on Facebook. They were about to have a road trip to go to a park for the day. There was so much joy and excitement in that photo that you could feel it emitting off of the computer screen. Somehow, in the moment I was looking at the photo, I realized that I am leaving and I won't be here with my friends. I will miss events, birthdays, road trips, anniversaries, movie nights, ice cream dates with the girls, holidays, walks in the park, and literally everything else.
I can comprehensively understand that importance of what I will not be missing. I will be exposed to opportunities that most people dream about. I will be in a culture that most have never heard the word "Jesus". I will be building relationships so that an opportunity will happen to share the Gospel. I will be obeying what God has called me to do. That will make it all worth it but my Earthly heart still aches for what I will miss.
If all this has happened in 10 days, I can not imagine what will happen in the next five months. I imagine that list of emotions will repeat itself many times over. I hope, that each time, it prepares me for the same emotions that will occur in Tanzania. In all my travels, I have most definitely learned that emotions can cross every cultural barrier.
No comments:
Post a Comment