My top two answers to a common question

Every now and then someone will ask what I miss from the states.

I'm extremely blessed that my answer to that question is often very simple and short.

Today marks 11 months since I had feet on the ground in America. I often think about potential posts and things to share on here. I think I had often considered writing something on the year mark about what I have missed during my first year in Africa. I have decided to jump the gun by one month.

So....

11 months consecutively in Africa (Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda) and I can honestly say that I really miss only two things. I will also say that they switch back and forth for the top spot.

PIZZA!!
I want pizza so so oh so bad. There is pizza in Africa. The quality varies greatly and people can usually tell you the best places to get it in their area. The snag is that gluten free pizza has not hit Africa yet.

HUGS!!
It is a classic case of not fully appreciating something until it is gone.
Hug-tackled by kids when returning from work.
Embraced in a welcoming hug from friends at life group.
Sunday morning hugs from so many that are part of my church family.
Family hugs at holidays.
Friend's embrace at any time as we catch up on life.

A moment in time.....

It is a Sunday evening.

I'm sitting in a flat in Kampala, Uganda.

I was feeling rebellious so I put on shorts when I returned from church.
Wearing shorts made me feel exposed and improper so I put on a kanga* around my waist.
The kanga was a gift from friends when I arrived in Tanzania earlier this year.
I facetimed with my mom who is in Tennessee, USA.
The shirt I am wearing is from participating in a short term trip to Ethiopia and Uganda with Visiting Orphans.
I listened/watched a live stream of a church service from where I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri, USA.
I'm texting a friend that is in an airport in Texas, USA (but lives in California, USA) as we are both streaming the same church service.
Then some friends asked if I could facetime them also. Of course, I said yes.

In this moment (that is spread out over the evening) I am positively overwhelmed with how geographically diverse my life has become.
How did this happen?
When did this happen?

Sometimes it is stressful because I want to stay connected with so many people.
Other times I simply feel blessed.
Blessed because of a variety of freinds.
Blessed because of so many travels.
Blessed because of countless opportunities.
Blessed because so many that have made this opportunities a reality.

Blessed is the one word that describes this moment.



*Kanga is a piece of fabric that is rectangular in shape. It has a border all the way around and is often composed of bright colors.

It sneaks up on me

Behind the office is gazebo that is well known to anyone that frequents the compound.

It is many things:

a place for meetings 

a place for orientations 

a place to work and enjoy fresh air 

a place to escape the walls of the building

a place for language lessons

a place to hide

Even though it has been almost 4 months since I left the village and about two months since I made the decision to come to Uganda and accept the position in the office, the grief of the events of those months still sneaks up on me from time to time. 

Today was one of those days. 

It is like any other part of life. The most random of things can trigger a memory. It may come from a picture, smell, something someone says, or somehow the brain just follows a random train of thought that leads to a memory. I can't say for sure what happened today. It may have been a combination of things to be honest. Then, of course, it rains. My leaders are extremely understanding of the ongoing transition I have been in for some time. They know it is difficult and will do whatever they can to make it better, including allowing me to leave the office early. I would have gladly left but the rain was heavy enough that transportation back to the flat would have been difficult. 

I needed to hid and to escape. 

I hid in the gazebo and escaped into the story of a book.

(initially unknowingly to me, someone captured the moment through a window; see above)

It was like the grief was reminding me that I can't just jump into this new position and everything will be fine and dandy. Today was only the beginning of my second week in the office. It will take a few weeks to figure out what tasks can be delegated to me and then some time for me to learn the ways of things. I know I need to acknowledge the pain of what happened and my brain seems to be smart enough to make that happen from time to time. But it is hard! 

Various aspects of my time in Tanzania were challenging. I can not deny that on any level. But somehow I still loved it. I don't think I realized that until I felt the pain of losing everything that was there. 

This grief I feel is pain of what I loved.

There is not going to be a profound conclusion to this post. 

I've actually been trying to conclude this for some time. The truth is that this is what it is. It is grief, sadness, heartache, and pain and it doesn't stop just because a new chapter has started. It is still there just as the previous chapters of a book are always there and the characters are what they are only because of what happened in those chapters. I am who I am because of the previous events; because of the heartache; because of the new friendships; because of the waiting and the transition; because of everything that has happened. 

I know the grief will sneak up on me again. 

It will probably happen more than once. I'm learning to embrace it when it happens. I try not to limit the grief (not too much anyway). It is there for a reason and the last events of the last few months will forever be part of my story. This includes the actual physical events as well as the feelings that came with them. 

Now, all I can do is try to tackle each day as a new day with new opportunities and new chances for joy. Some days will be harder than others, but I can try.

NEWSLETTER: November 2015

Continuing a journey with new beginnings.......

Continuing with another beginning

The journey continues in Africa; however, right now it feels like it is just beginning with so much newness surrounding me. I came to Kampala, Uganda on 17 November and have been settling in both at the office and in the flat I will live in for three months. The flat's usual resident is on home assignment and this will give me time to learn about Kampala as well as be with other AIM people in the same building.

Although this is like a new beginning, it is still a continuation of my time in Africa and it is interesting to process expectations with what has happened and how that has varied with each phase. For example, the flat I live in has a microwave. Having come to Africa expecting to be in a village with no power, a microwave is mind boggling. On the other hand, I love having a balcony on the third floor. It is a pleasant place for breakfast or evening reading.

Don't worry, be happy.

I was opening a few notes from friends and family this past weekend. One of them had a picture of my brother and I. [See below] The envelope said just the same has my brother's shirt: Don't worry, be happy. I thought that to be very appropriate. So much transition has happened this year for me and now to start again. I'm sure people in the states are trying to figure out everything for gifts, parties, families, and more related to the holidays this time of year. I enjoyed this little reminder and thought maybe you would like it also. 

Saturday breakfast on the balcony.

A blast from the past. My brother and I, age 4 and 2.

The other members of the team in the office, allowed me almost two weeks to get settled some and start finding my way around. This time was such a blessing!! Yesterday was my first official day in the office. The office staff has also gone through significant transition the last few months and it will take some time as we each figure out how to delegate tasks and and define our roles. For now, I am getting used to new computer systems, the behind the scenes process for placing new missionaries, and helping with other tasks around the office.

Please join me by praying for:
-smooth adjustments and ease of settling into a new country, city, job
-quick and easy process with immigration and application for work permit!!!; (Praying everything gets cleared before my 90 day visa runs out or I will have to jump the border to get a new visa. This is tricky with the holidays and other factors that may delay the process.)
-friendships in and out of the office to form quickly and with a solid base
-thankfulness for wonderful ladies that are helping me learn the ropes of Kampala and AIM's central region
-wisdom for the office staff as we define our roles and delegate tasks with the ongoing transition
-hear, follow, and have assurance about God's direction for myself

I would love to hear from you!! You can respond directly to this email to let me know how God is blessing and/or challenging you as 2015 starts to come to a close.

Grace and Peace,
Katherine

How the season of fall matches my season

Bernheim Forest, Kentucky, USA

October 2015

Jonathan Spurgeon

I remember a few years ago that one of my greatest friends was giving me a hard time that I love snow and Africa. She thought it was so funny that two of my great loves in life will rarely be together at the same time. It is true, I love snow and have plenty of pictures and witnesses to show it. But I also love fall. There is something so majestic as the leaves change and the atmosphere becomes something different. My first fall season away and I already caved and ask some people to send me some pictures of it. One picture I received seems to so accurately depict the last three months for me.

What is the absolute first thing you notice when you see the photo?

1. The shadowy area in the foreground?

2. The highlighted spot near the bottom right where the sun catches some leaves?

3. The branches protruding on the right?

4. The fall colors showing through the front trees on the left?

5. The one tree that seems to stick up higher than the rest of the landscape in the right third of the photo?

6. The leaves that go to the top on the right when there is only sky on the left?

7. The fall leaves covering the landscape in the distance?

8. The sky? And how it changes colors?

What else do you see?

Now that you have read the above list and have gone back to the photo to observe each aspect, have you noticed anything else? What stands out to you the most? Any ideas what causes that part to be the most noticeable to you?

For me….the more I have looked at the photo the more I see it whole yet still recognize each aspect that makes it what it is. Maybe that’s not possible, yet it’s how I feel.

1. The shadowy foreground:

The last 2 ½ months have had so much darkness for me. There have been times of great frustration and times of countless tears. Some days I was so consumed with lack of understanding of why things were happening both from an Earthly perspective and from a spiritual/faith perspective that all I could do was go through the motions and wake up again the next day. I have longed greatly for practical answers to questions. It made it so hard to see what could come in the future.

2. The highlighted spot near the bottom right where the sun catches some leaves:

Even through so much darkness, there were times of beauty.  I made new friendships. I was blessed with new friends that had similar experiences as me and have helped and continue to help me through this process. I have been blessed with gifts both material and financial (and edible….ahem…meetings at Java).  Times of laughter and silliness with a new friend and her young daughter brought me almost to happy tears a few times.

3. The branches protruding on the right:

And then when I would least expect it, something else would happen. It may have been small but it hurt. Unwanted news or a difficult situation would come to the surface and it would seemingly reopen the wounds that had begun to heal.

4. The fall colors showing through the front trees on the left?

If you look closely at the lower left portion of the photo, some of the fantastic colors of fall show through the darkened trees in the front. Some days the confusion about everything was overwhelming and dominated the days. But when I stop and take time to refocus I could see how things can be beautiful. It is similar to what I discussed in another post.

5. The one tree that seems to stick up higher than the rest of the landscape in the right third of the photo?

This is the obvious positive. This tree is beautiful and easily spotted. Going to Kampala will have some perks. It will be a completely fresh start and it will come with much better communication abilities.

6. The leaves that go to the top on the right when there is only sky on the left?

They are dark just as the majority of the leaves in the foreground. You can’t miss them. I think this chapter of my journey will always be a big part. It cannot be missed because it has so much meaning (even if I can’t see that meaning now). Although, when you look closer, the leaves have a bit of a purple tinge to them. There is beauty in that. The last few months will somehow create beauty. They will make something I didn’t know was possible and that will only be possible because of the darkness that I have experienced.

7. The fall leaves covering the landscape in the distance?

These leaves are pure beauty. It is a classic scene of autumn. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t love this type of scenery. People may not like the chilly weather this time of year but the beauty in nature is undeniable. We can’t appreciate that without the heat of summer and the bareness of winter. I won’t be able to appreciate all that is in the future without this chapter. When you set aside the label of missionary and the location of Africa, it holds true still. You can’t fully appreciate the joyful, beauty filled, glorious moments without knowing sad, dark, and agony filled moments.

8. The sky? And how it changes colors?

The sky makes me thing of the Spirit. It may be a cliché comparison as it is something we know is there but cannot actually touch it. The sky changes colors in this photograph. To me this is symbolic of how the Spirit changes for us. The Spirit is our healer, our comforter, our protector, and our provider……just to name a few. There must be something that God wants to be for me that He could not have been for me had I not had this chapter in my journey. We can get so fixed on the blue sky that we don’t notice the array of colors [especially at sunset]. We can get so fixed on God providing for us that we don’t notice He does so much more.

The decision that I would not be returning 

to the village was and still is heartbreaking. 

I must stay strong in my faith that God 

has something better planned. He has known 

this would happen all along. He knows that 

my heart still aches greatly.

NEWSLETTER: October 2015

Making many changes as I turn onto a new path.

Greetings to you!
“Two roads diverged in a wood…..”
Do you recognize where that line is from?
Can you finish it?
It appears at the beginning and end of a popular poem by Robert Frost. At the end it is followed by, “I took the one less traveled by”. 

There are so many unknowns when one serves in full time ministry whether it is in the town you grew up in or a continent on the other side of the world. In my 9 months on the field with AIM, I have encountered plenty of unknowns. In the last couple months, the biggest unknown has challenged me in so many ways.
 
Just as a simple walk in the woods to explore can turn into something far different than an explorer expected for the day due to taking the path less traveled, my journey in Africa is turning into something far different than I expected as everything about my ministry here is changing.
 
The road I was on included moving to Tanzania, being on a two person team, living in a village, eating rice and beans for two of my meals each day, working in a Christian school in a Mu$lim area and a variety of other aspects.
 
The road I have turned onto is leading me to another country, being with a larger team, living in a city, eating a variety of foods (as much variety as I cook anyway), working in an office setting, and an assortment of other characteristics.



For some geographical reference:
Going from a village outside of Tanga, Tanzania to
the city of Kampala, Uganda.

This road that I am on now is leading to Kampala, Uganda. Lord willing, I plan to arrive there in the middle of November. I may not have planned to take this road.  Also, it might be considered unusual to live in 4 different countries (USA, Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda) in one year. With that said, I wrestle daily with the grief of what was lost in Tanzania and the excitement of so much potential in Uganda.
 
My new role will be working at the Central Region Office for AIM. This office coordinates the ministry that AIM does in Uganda, South Sudan, Rwanda, D.R. Congo, C.A.R., and Chad. Due to some restructuring of roles and responsibilities as well as a number of home assignments and medical leaves, there has been a great need for someone to help in the office. From everyone I have talked to there, I am a huge answer to prayer.
 
Do you know how the poem ends?
The last line of the poem is something that I can only hope and pray will be true for my journey.
 
“And that has made all the difference”
(hopefully Frost is referring to a positive difference)

Please visit my blog for current prayer requests.

For more information about AIM's vission in the central region, I encourage you to watch this video. It is a few years old but depicts a very accurate picture.

Prayer Requests - October 2015

No matter the reason you landed on this post, I want you to know that I am very grateful for your commitment to support me through prayer. At times it is highly evident that prayerful support is the most important support that I need. 

Side note: I have been helping with the children's program at the three week orientation that all full time missionaries with AIM do at some point during the first term. With all that has happened, my willingness to do this was an answer to prayer as another children's worker had a urgent family matter just before this began. Also, in the history of this orientation (about 30 of them) this is the first one that the kids have out numbered the adults. 

1. continued safety as all the speakers travel to and from the area

2. health!! A number of adults and children have been sick. Thankfully, I don't fall into that category yet.

3. rest and rejuvenation: The past couple months have not been easy. The week of travel to pack in TZ followed immediately by coming to the orientation was a tough schedule in many ways. I also hope to have some pure solid vacation before transitioning to Kampala in a few weeks.

4. the team in Kampala as they prepare for my arrival

5. financial wisdom as a set up/furnish a new home in Kampala

6. smooth process with immigration in Uganda as I take steps and apply for a work permit. 

and everything else that comes with leaving one place and going to another mixed with the aspects of doing this across country borders. 

-goodbyes

-meeting new people

-getting acclimated to new places 

-ease of transport of belongings

-finding a new place to call home

-etc....

Sometimes memes are better than words

Although, I have received far more comments than I feel I deserve for my writing when I share about Africa.......

Sometimes memes just seem to say it better........

I must continue to cling to those truths each moment of every day.

Easier said than done.

Enough said.

Some of it is lies from the enemy.

Hhhmm... yes, but can't there be a place where they overlap?

Now part of my heart will always be in Pande. 

Part of my heart will always be with Amani Primary School.

I sure hope so.....

It is true that this won't happen today or tomorrow or maybe not next week.

But one day all of this hurt, confusion, pain, waiting, and so much more will make sense.

It will make sense because God will be glorified!

NEWSLETTER: September 2015 - not my plans

Big changes ahead because this is the LORD's plan.

The Lord's ways are not mine.....

From my first short term trip to Africa in August 2011, I have used a common phrase known as "TIA". It is pronounced by saying each letter. The meaning is "This Is Africa". It is the catch all answer when one really can't explain the reasoning behind a certain situation. In reality, things are different. Over the last 8 months, Melody and I would often tell people that any aspect of life that they think of is completely different in America. It might be easy to use TIA to explain certain aspects and difficulties of the last couple months. That doesn't work in this situation.

Our Lord and Savior knew that all of this would happen even before I knew there was a place called Africa. He knows what all of this will lead to in the future. It has been a much undesired surprise to me and so many others but not to Him. I must remind myself of this constantly.

Through tears and an aching heart I share with you the next part of God's plan, the plan that is better than mine. It has been decided that I will not be returning to the village for ministry. While there, my physical and spiritual health were constantly struggling. In the coming days, I will be working with leadership to find a new placement that will provide a different support network and hopefully a healthier me. 

The top part is an exaggeration but the bottom seems close to reality at times. 

Hard to believe in the middle of the storm but when the winds calm and the thunder stops, it will be glorious!!

Please join me in prayer in the following areas:
-Pray for wisdom and guidance in the decision process for a new placement
-Pray for comfort and peace as I grieve the loss of what was and what would have been in the village, a dream and a calling becoming a reality for such short time
-Pray for comfort as I process the loss of friendships
-Pray for understanding for all those involved (especially the kids at the school)
-Pray for my return trip to the village to pack and say goodbyes (and how to best do this logistically and culturally)

On a side note: To all my faithful snail mail encouragers and supporters.....please wait for now. There is much transition in the coming weeks and until I have a new placement it would be best to wait for now.

Photo credit: courtesy of google image search results (all photos)

NEWSLETTER: September 2015 - Nairobi

Thank you for supporting not only me but also Amani Primary School!

Thank you for all your support!
Support of all kinds.....prayers, emails, notes, texts, everything!!!

During this unplanned chapter of my journey in Africa so many of you have been so kind to offer support in all kinds of ways.

I am thankful for all the prayers that each of you lift up on my behalf.
I am thankful for the emails full of personal stories, scripture, and encouragement.
I am thankful for those of you in Africa that listen to me talk about every angle of this situation.
I am thankful for those of you that have generously given material things or finances to help me during this time.
I am thankful for the new people that God has brought into my life.
I am thankful for some of the unique opportunities that I have had in Nairobi.

One of these unique opportunities was serving in Kibera over the last two weeks with SPUR Afrika. This organization is completely orchestrated by nationals. They work toward equipping children and young adults in Kibera through facilitating literacy, life skills, and leadership. Kibera is an area of Nairobi that is possibly Africa's largest slum. It is noted by overcrowding, poverty, and sanitation problems. Over the two weeks I joined the team of SPUR Afrika to do home visits, pass out clothes to children, help with bookkeeping, and other activities.

Top photo: Standing on the second floor of a school in Kibera, I was looking out over the vastness of it.



Some of us pausing for a photo after delivering a bag of new clothes to one of the sponsored kids in the program of SPUR Afrika.

I also want to take a moment to thank you for helping me celebrate my birthday last month. The numbers came in and I am thrilled to report that $1,858 was donated toward Amani Primary School. That is such a blessing for Amani during this time. Thank you for giving so generously! Please keep Amani's staff and students in your prayers this week. They will be having their first graduation for the Standard 7 class and everyone is very excited!!

NEWSLETTER: September 2015 - Flexibility

Many changes surprising me but not God.

Blessed are the Flexible

.....for they shall not be broken.

This is one of the lesser known beatitudes. It is also the first thing I learned from my unit leader once I arrived in Tanzania earlier this year. From a small handful of short term mission trips, I knew that flexibility is key, but to have it stated this way really exemplifies the importance. Flexibility has been crucial throughout but its need has increased lately.

The best laid plans...[of anyone]....often don't go in the expected way. Our Savior is the only one that has the best plans. Right now, His plans are not my plans. A few weeks ago, I left the village and came to Nairobi. Please read my blog titled "Iceberg Missions" for more detail as I want to share more than what would fit here.

I will continue to stay in Nairobi for now. As of last week, Melody has joined a team in Kwale, Kenya and will continue to be with them while I am in Nairobi. She will travel to Pande as needed to continue to help with administration at the school and fulfill our commitments there.

Please continue to keep the staff and students of Amani School in your thoughts and prayers.

One afternoon I took a break with some friends and went to visit some of Nairobi's tallest residents.

Be Flexible, Keep Calm, Love Africa. This might need to be my new motto.

For my visual friends....it feels like this:
Melody and I were playing a game of bananagrams and dutch blitz at the same time. It was a little crazy but we were still having fun. A few minutes in, someone sets up an industrial fan, two muddy goats walk in and start eating cards, and three chickens are all over the place pecking at the letter tiles. It reached a point that we could not clean it up on our own.

Right now it takes continual conscious effort to even just "be ok" with the situation. I expected to serve with Melody for two years in Pande and just shy of three months we left abruptly. I can read and know scripture and know His ways are better, know this will work for the good. But for that to continually make the journey from my mind to my heart takes great effort at times.

I often cling to Romans 8:26 "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." (ESV) If you would like to join me on a few more specific areas, please pray for:
-Amani school as they work through financial needs and shortage of teachers
-Melody has she settles into Kwale and finds her way during this time
-financial wisdom as the finances of Nairobi vary a bit from that of the village
-Wisdom for leaders and doctors as they make decisions
-Acceptance and patience for myself during this time
-that I may be able to identify and rebuke lies from the enemy

With love from Nairobi,
Katherine

[Top picture: After crossing into Kenya, I was blessed to pause at the coast and get my feet wet in the Indian Ocean before coming inland to Nairobi.]

Iceberg Missions

Let’s look at missions like an iceberg.

The top of an iceberg is beautiful from planes or ships. It provides great photography opportunities and a mystique that captures the attention of so many. The visible part of missions includes cute kids, exciting adventures, new friends, and success [defined differently and individually]. Beneath all of this, is so much more. The iceberg has jagged edges, sharp corners, great depth, and unpredictable weaknesses in structure. The unseen part of the mission field includes: language difficulties, cultural barriers, medical challenges, spiritual warfare/intimidation, sleepless nights, unwanted responsibilities, missing important events with friends and family, doubts, criticism, risks, failures, disappointments, and hard work.

History and Hollywood showed us how dangerous the bottom of the iceberg can be.

At the beginning of August, the bottom of my iceberg started to weigh me down. With Melody’s help, prayer, and great effort I kept my head above the surface. With time, it became clear that I needed to get out of the ocean. A few weeks ago we left the village and made our way to Nairobi. While here, I am gaining the rest, medical help, and knowledge I need to help me stay focused on the top of the iceberg.

While in Nairobi God is showing me the following:

-He is my comforter

-He is always with me = I’m not alone.

-the importance of joyful trusting throughout turbulent times

-His ways are better than mine [Although, this is quite difficult to grasp beyond head knowledge during this time. I think this is much easier to believe with hindsight.]

-He has not forgotten about me and still has a plan for me, it just isn’t what I thought it was

The future is not known from my view. From God's view, everything is working out exactly as He planned, exactly as He knew it would. This is very hard to accept. As with any twist and turn in our plans, we usually don't appreciate them until afterwards and we realize the amazing opportunity that we would have missed had we gone straight. Some days it takes frequent intentionality to accept all of this. Life in the village may have had its challenges but it was my home. Being in Kenya has definitely taught me that my heart is there in Pande and I have longed to go back. 

Some decisions will be made at the end of this week and beginning of next week. Right now I am not sure what to hope or expect regarding these. I can only pray for wisdom for my leaders and acceptance for myself.

Please join me in praying for the following:

-Amani school as they work through financial needs and shortage of teachers

-Melody has she settles into Kwale and finds her way during this time

-financial wisdom as the finances of Nairobi vary a bit from that of the village

-Wisdom for leaders and doctors as they make decisions 

-Acceptance and patience for myself during this time

-that I may be able to identify and rebuke lies from the enemy

One weekend in Nairobi, we stayed with friends. 

I was able to get some much needed dog therapy.